Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Radioactive

The last couple of days have been pretty good from a pain and comfort level. Monday I felt somewhat off and barely ate anything, but otherwise felt OK. My wife pointed out that I've been off since starting the 100mg patches last Friday. Even though I was taking a 100mg dose before, there may be something in having it all in one big patch that is taking some adjustment. She's noticed a pattern every time there's been a change in my pain medication. On the plus side, the lower dose Vicodin have been working just fine. Today was better. I woke with an appetite and ate pretty normal throughout the day.

I also started the radiation treatment today. Yesterday I went in for the "simulation" where I was scanned and inked. They ran me through a CT scan several times to get the right positioning and then marked me with tiny tattoos as alignment points. The treatment today took slightly less time as they took several X-rays to make sure everything lined up correctly. The treatment itself was nothing and only lasted a few seconds. If it weren't for the buzzing sound the machine made, I wouldn't have even known it had happened. I don't know what kind of radiation is actually used in this treatment, but hopefully I won't have any rage issues afterwards, though they did suggest that I wear sweat pants from now on.

I get to go back and do it again for each of the next 13 business days. Unfortunately, my time slot is 11:10AM, so it will be cutting my day in half. They said that I would get a choice of times to choose from, but I didn't realize that meant that I could choose from 11:10, 11:20, 11:30, or 11:40, not like there's much difference there. This may foil my plans for attending the company sales conference at the end of the month, but perhaps that is for the best.

Last night, I broke down again for no particular reason. I had gotten such outbursts under control and it came as a bit of a surprise without anything seeming to trigger it. I'm still not sure why, perhaps just sick of being sick, but I got it out of my system. I don't know why, but the random thought occurred to my yesterday of how fortunate I am to have my wife and kids helping me through this and how difficult it would be were I still single and living alone. It's something that I'd rather not think about and am glad that I don't have to. This could have been what set me off later in the evening, though it was several hours later. In some ways I feel like this has driven my and my wife apart somewhat, at least physically, as my discomfort makes it difficult for me to sit or lie close to her. She disagrees, stating that the baby has been more of a physical wedge than the cancer, and perhaps she's right, but either way, the routine that we've fallen into of late makes it seem that way. I hope the radiation fulfills its promise by the time the baby becomes a little more independent and perhaps we shall see what holds true. Emotionally, we are probably closer now but it's sometimes difficult discern the balance between the two.

I sent an email today to my employees letting them know of my situation. My two direct reports have known for some time, but I figured that it's time I let the rest of them know why I haven't been around for most of the last 2 months. I don't know why really, but I've been hesitant to send that message. I was hoping to make it into the office for one of our weekly team meetings so that I could tell them face to face, but since I don't know when that will be, I decided it was better to go ahead and get it out there. Things have started picking back up since the holidays and I wanted them to know that I'm still around even if not there physically.

1 comment:

  1. So true. God really brought her along at the perfect time...i keep telling myself you were 37 when you found her, so I've got a good six years left to look :)

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