Thursday, January 17, 2013

Lost Day

I spent most of the day in bed today, only getting up to go to my radiation treatment. I'm not sure what has come over me, but I had some kind of stomach thing today. I felt a little nauseas, but not enough to throw up, at the same time felt constipated and just had a general icky feeling in my gut. I didn't feel like eating until around 5:00pm at which point I forced down a little food. I took the day off from work because even when awake, I just didn't feel like doing anything.

I hope this isn't a side effect from the radiation. They had told me that incontinence could be a side effect, but when I told them today that my stomach was off, they seemed surprised that I would be feeling those effects after only two treatments. I guess we'll see what happens. Hopefully my all day sleep won't turn into an all night awake. I'm still tired and sleepy despite it all, but mostly I'm tired of this icky feeling. I'm also tired of the pain, minimal though it is with the medication. I've always had a pretty high tolerance for pain, but now I'm discovering that tolerance is waning over time. I'm sick of being sick. I know there are others who are or have been worse off than I am now and that I should be thankful that it's not worse, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm ready to be done with this. I know it's a slow recovery process, but patience has never been a virtue that I've embraced. It's especially hard to be around the girls with all of their energy and to be tired all of the time and unable to interact with them at the level that they and I would like for me to. It makes me feel like a bad parent to have to tell them no to go play on their own.

Days like this seem to always follow a couple of good days which is what I just came off of. Today was also my day to change out the Fentanyl patch which tends to be a less pleasant day as well. I hope that tomorrow proves today to be a one off.

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